i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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