woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
