he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's like heaven, but drunker
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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