i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you would pick up someone in the library
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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