Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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