sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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