the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
