So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
