a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
