My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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