y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think i have herpe
just one?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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