I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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