if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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