There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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