dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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