Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
