Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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