I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
