Cold hands, warm shart.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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