bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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