You can't motorboat a personality
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
