i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
