Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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