I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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