On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
