He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I enjoy the company of your penis
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
