where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
