Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house