Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What's dad's email?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?