New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.