i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
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YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag