So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.