He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper