I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
