Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
