some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
