why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
