I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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