Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
