i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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