I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
