She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
