his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
