Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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