the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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