just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
