I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
