Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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