You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize