i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i drank out of a bidet.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
