i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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