You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
