He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
