i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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