the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just sucked dick on a ferry
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
