I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize