i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
