she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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