btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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