dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
