Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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