it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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