i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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