Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
