We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
