my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
being pregnant is like rehab
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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