chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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