My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
