My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
