Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
