i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
